Teen Dating Violence Awareness

Episode # 67 - Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month

Teen dating violence is more common—and more dangerous—than many realize. This week, we explore a shocking Las Vegas case that highlights the deadly consequences of controlling and abusive relationships among teenagers. 

[Shaun] 

We talk a lot in the podcast about domestic violence in married couples, and we’ve shared cases of domestic violence among couples who were dating, but today we’re focusing on Domestic violence in a group we don't often cover, teenagers.

[John] 

Growing up is hard, dating is hard, and learning what is acceptable and what isn't in a first relationship is something people have to fumble their way through if the behavior isn't modeled correctly by a trusted adult.

Teenagers need their parents, guardians, or other adults to teach them right from wrong as they grow up, and how to act when dating isn't an exception. So today we’ll talk about that, and offer a recent example of young love gone horribly wrong.

(Music - Pause for 8 seconds)

[Shaun] 

Hi and welcome to Sins and Survivors, a Las Vegas true crime podcast, where we focus on cases that deal with domestic violence, as well as missing persons and unsolved cases. I’m your host, Shaun, 

[John] 

And I’m your co-host, John.

[Shaun] 

February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month, and we wanted to dedicate this episode to talking about teen dating violence & providing resources for young people that you can share with the teens and tweens in your life. 

John and I are very aware of the sensitive nature of teens in the justice system and being able to consent to their stories being told. For this episode, we chose this case as an illustration of what dating violence or an abusive relationship between teens can look like. 

I did try to find more examples, but it’s likely when dating violence involves two minors, that it will be handled by the juvenile court, and the records may never become public. 

We are going to share a story of a crime that occurred in Las Vegas, but out of respect for the youth involved, we decided that even though the story was covered in the news, we are going to change the names of everyone involved and alter some of the details – the exact dates and locations – to protect their privacy. 

Normally, when we share the story of a crime with you, we want to center the victims and survivors and share as much information about them as we can, but to be honest, this week, given their ages, I didn’t really try too hard to find out more about them. 

[John] 

According to LoveIsRespect.org, 1 in 3 teenagers will experience some form of dating violence before they become adults. The types of abuse experienced by teens are the same as adults – controlling behavior, physical & sexual abuse, and emotional abuse.

We talked last month about how relationships play out in the media, and as we’re growing up, it can be difficult to tell when a relationship crosses from healthy into unhealthy territory and that’s true especially when you’re a teen and have limited life and relationship experience. 

Things that are just part of being a teenager like learning how to communicate and deal with conflict, and being vulnerable to peer pressure, put young people at risk for both perpetrating and experiencing dating violence. 

We created a short link to LoveIsRespect’s quiz to take on whether or not your relationship is healthy at ​​https://sinspod.co/warningsigns 

You can share that link with a friend or use it yourself. 

[Shaun] 

One aspect of abusive relationships that comes up again and again for teens is jealousy and controlling behavior. It’s hard to know what is “normal” or “expected” in a relationship when you’re just starting dating.

Issues like telling your boyfriend and girlfriend that :

• I need to know where you are always. 
• If you love me, you won’t spend time with other people.
• I need you to stop talking to other guys or girls because you might cheat, and I get jealous. 

When you’re just learning about setting boundaries, you can see how wanting to see your partner all the time or feelings of insecurity can move a relationship from healthy and safe to unhealthy and toxic. 

Some warning signs that your child’s relationship is abusive are

• Extreme jealousy or possessiveness from their partner.
• Constant emails, texts, or calls from their partner.
• Depression or anxiety.
• Decreased interest in things they usually enjoy. 
• Isolation from other friends and family.
• Changes in their appearance or unexplained marks and injuries. 

Teens get mixed messages about love, respect, and dating, and many wind up thinking that jealousy means true love. 

This may lead to their privacy being violated, or their boyfriend or girlfriend pressuring them into sharing their location always, not to mention the pressure to engage in sex and other physical signs of affection, which some may believe is a sign of commitment or expected or required for being in a relationship. 

[John] 

Even adults struggle with boundaries, so of course these issues are even more challenging for teens to navigate. Many are able to recognize when things are escalating and break off an abusive or toxic relationship, but as we’ve talked too many times before on this podcast, leaving isn’t always easy and isn’t always a guarantee of safety. 

We should teach teens about healthy boundaries, consent, and respect starting at an early age, and there are resources in the show notes for that. 

And for parents, grandparents, aunts & uncles, and mentors, there is a wealth of guidance and support out there, and we invite you to check out loveisrespect.org for information on how to support and guide the teens in your life. 

One of our favorite resources is the Pixel Project which offers 16 tips on how men can teach and model respect to the boys and young men in their lives. You can find that at https://sinspod.co/teaching 

I recommend reading through these or passing them along to a man in your life to read through. So many of them are really easy to implement and can help in those formative years.

The easiest one might be “#9 - Do the Dishes”. Its a simple thing, and its something that should be shared in a healthy household. This really goes for all household chores though, including cooking dinner, etc 

If your young son sees that these chores are shared among everyone in the house regardless of gender, they’ll be less likely to think of certain things as “women’s work”. As they grow up

A secondary benefit to this one is you'll end up with a teenager who knows how to fend for himself when he goes to college or goes out into the world, cooking his own food and doing his own laundry. 

I don't know how many times I have read Reddit posts where women complain that the men they’re with expect them to do all the household chores, and it puts a strain on the relationship.

Another great one is #10 - Cultivate EQ or emotional intelligence. I didn't formally understand the concept of emotional intelligence until I was well into adulthood but understanding this when you’re young will really pay dividends in your life and relationships.

EQ is really about self-awareness, self-regulation, empathy, and social skills. 

[Shaun] 

I know that our listeners are wondering how social media and technology can play a role in teen dating violence, can we take a minute and talk about that?

[John] 

Sure, about 25% of teens have reported that their partners have abused them through the use of technology. 

This digital abuse is part of a larger pattern of abuse and controlling behavior that can include:

• Forcing you to share your passwords
• Forcing you to put a tracker or share your location
• Sending you multiple messages especially when you’re at work, at school, or spending time with friends 
• Sending you harassing message or insulting messages
• Pressuring you to send nude pics or sending you unwanted nude pics 
• Monitoring your social media activity or
• Catfishing you or hacking your accounts and impersonating you. 

Also, we talked about how jealousy is a major issue for teens. A recent study from Arizona State University showed how social media interactions can fuel that jealousy. 

The study found that adolescents often feel upset and jealous when their partner likes someone else's post, especially if that person is of the same gender as themselves. 

These feelings can lead to behaviors like confronting their partner or monitoring their social media activity. The study emphasizes that such social media interactions are not trivial to teens; they can be deeply distressing and may contribute to unhealthy relationship dynamics.

[Shaun] 

One thing I want to mention is that social media can actually be a helpful tool for teens experiencing dating violence. While it’s true that social media can sometimes be used for stalking, harassment, or spreading harmful messages, it can also be a lifeline for victims trying to reach out for help.  

Social media can provide anonymous online communities. Places like Reddit and support groups on Facebook allow teens to seek advice from others who have been through similar situations, sometimes even connecting them with professionals who can guide them toward safety. 

There are also built-in tools that can protect privacy. Apps like Snapchat and Instagram’s Vanish Mode allow messages to disappear after being read, making it safer to reach out for help without leaving a trace that an abuser could find.  

There are also groups and creators that work to keep people safe by spreading awareness. In Australia, there are entire Facebook communities where women can warn each other about abusive partners, helping protect others from falling into dangerous situations. Some creators and survivors share their stories & discuss red flags in relationships on their platforms. 

Some of us know better simply because we lived through it, but teens can learn from positive examples and cautionary tales. These stories can help guide young people when they are navigating their relationships. 

Of course, social media should be used cautiously—especially when someone is in an abusive relationship. But for teens who might feel trapped or isolated, it can provide an important way to seek help without their abuser knowing.  

On to this week’s case. 

Just a reminder that as I said, while the facts of this case are true, we decided not to use the real names or exact dates to protect the young people involved. 

Caleb and Isabel started dating when they were both 14 years old. According to Isabel, after about a year of dating, Caleb started showing some possessive and jealous behavior. 

He became obsessed with the idea of her talking to and seeing other guys and would take her phone to look through it. He started threatening her and saying things like, “You aren’t going to play me;” “You can't be with other guys.” and “If you leave me, I will fucking kill you.”

From there, his abuse escalated from emotional to physical. At one point when they were in school together, Caleb punched Isabelle in the face, and even started making threats against her family,

Court documents stated that Caleb had choked Isabel, meaning he strangled her, which is a tremendous red flag for a relationship becoming fatal. Women who are strangled are at extremely elevated risk of being murdered by their partners.

Their relationship lasted 3 years, throughout nearly their entire time in high school together. With the support of her family, Isabel was able to end things with Caleb during their senior year, and she obtained a restraining order against him. 

[John] 

Even though they had broken up, Caleb did not stop his possessive, controlling behavior. He continued to threaten her, repeatedly saying he was going to kill her if she “played” him. It's not clear what that means 

The threats became more frequent over the winter and spring of their senior year as he continued acting jealously and being obsessed that she might be dating someone else. 

One day in early April, Caleb was texting Isabel over and over, blowing up her phone, demanding to know where she was. 

It turned out that Isabel was hanging out with her friend, Dylan. They were sitting in Dylan’s car, parked in front of Isabel’s family’s home. 

Isabel told investigators that she suddenly saw Caleb standing outside the driver’s side window and then she “saw fire”. It took a moment for her to realize what was happening, but both she and Dylan had been shot multiple times and Dylan was seriously injured. 

Caleb opened the door, lifted her out of the car, and carried her to his truck. As she was starting to lose consciousness, she noticed that Caleb had a friend with him who was holding a gun. She heard Caleb tell him to clean the gun and get rid of it. 

The two then drove away with her in the truck and as they drove, Caleb continued threatening Isabel telling her that if she told anyone what happened, he would kill her, and if Dylan was someone she was “Messing with” (meaning hooking up with), he would kill her. 

She lost consciousness, but Caleb and his friend had driven her to the hospital. Caleb’s friend dropped the two of them off and then left in the truck. 

[Shaun] 

Caleb and his friend had left Dylan shot and bleeding behind in the car in front of the house, but thankfully, a family member drove Dylan and his car to the hospital. When they arrived, hospital staff noticed a cell phone on the hood of the car which was determined to be Caleb’s.

Dylan had been shot 6 times, including in his head, face, and chest, but somehow miraculously he survived the attack. Isabel had been shot twice, but neither injury was life-threatening. 

Once she was out of surgery, she told the police that Caleb was the one who had shot them but when the police questioned Caleb, he denied he was involved and gave them a fake name. 

During the investigation, the police located additional witnesses who said they saw Caleb approach the car and start shooting. While the gun was never recovered, the police did recover 5 shell casings from the scene. 

Caleb was placed under arrest and charged with 2 counts each of attempted murder and battery, and with discharging a weapon into an occupied vehicle. His bail was set at $100,000, which he posted. He was ordered to have no contact with the victims and was placed under electronic monitoring, pending the trial.

[John] 

The trial started more than a year later, and Caleb was tried as an adult. The prosecution had a very strong case, since Isabel was able to testify against him. 

Unfortunately though, many of the incidents of prior abuse were not allowed to come into the trial. This was partly because Caleb was a minor when he committed those acts of assault, battery, and stalking against Isabel, but also because those acts were considered too prejudicial and not close enough in time to the shooting. 

The prosecution WAS able to bring in evidence of his behavior and the escalating threats that had occurred in the 6 months leading up to the shooting. 

During her testimony, Isabel stated that she never actually saw Caleb shoot nor did she see him holding the gun. She assumed he was the person who shot her because he was the only person she saw outside of the car immediately before she and Dylan were shot. 

The prosecution also argued that Caleb’s cell phone was found on the hood of Dylan’s car, making it much more likely that Isabel’s assumption was correct. 

She also testified that after the shooting, Caleb told her - in not-so-coded language - that the “flowers” were only intended for Dylan. 

Isabel knew that Caleb wasn’t talking about flowers, of course, he was talking about the shooting, and she understood this to mean that Caleb only intended to shoot Dylan, and not her. 

[Shaun] 

The defense argued that since Caleb was the one who brought Isabel to the hospital and remained there, he was clearly not guilty of shooting her. The police were already present at the hospital, so since he hadn’t fled, he couldn't have been the one who had shot them.

Also, no gunshot residue was detected on Caleb’s hands, and the weapon was never recovered. 

With Isabel’s testimony, it wasn’t a surprise that the jury returned a verdict of guilty but, the verdict was confusing, and that would become a key point of contention on appeal.

For Count 1, the Charge was “Attempted Murder with Use of a Deadly Weapon.” The jury was given 3 choices for a verdict: 

• Guilty of Attempted murder with the use of a deadly weapon,
• Guilty of attempted murder, 
• or not guilty. 

For count 2: the count was “Battery with use of a deadly weapon resulting in substantial bodily harm constituting domestic violence.”

The choices for the verdict ranged in severity from Guilty of Battery with use of a deadly weapon resulting in substantial bodily harm constituting domestic violence; to simply “guilty of battery” and of course, not guilty. 

We’ve spoken before on the podcast about “deadly weapon enhancements” and how they serve to add additional years to a sentence. 

In Nevada, when “Constituting domestic violence” is added to a charge, it becomes a sentencing enhancement that makes the crime a non-probationable offense. 

The jury found him guilty of attempted murder and of battery with substantial bodily harm. 

Note that they did not find him guilty of using a deadly weapon or that the acts constituted domestic violence. 

And for the 3rd charge of discharging a firearm in a structure or vehicle, they found him not guilty. 

[John] 

Given the facts and testimony in the case, you might think it’s confusing how the jury could have come to these conclusions. How could Caleb be guilty of attempted murder for shooting Dylan and Isabel, but not guilty of firing a gun into a car? 

The defense immediately argued that the verdict needed to be thrown out because it was inconsistent, but the judge denied that request. 

We’ll discuss this more in a moment. 

Caleb was sentenced to a minimum of 7 years with a maximum of 25 years. ​​The district court explicitly recognized that Caleb was a juvenile with limited life experience at the time of the offense. 

The judge agreed with the defense's argument during sentencing that minors process information and regulate their behavior differently than adults and noted that Caleb is still in the process of maturing. 

While the court identified several aggravating factors, it decided against imposing the maximum sentence, citing Caleb's youth as a significant consideration.

About 2 years after sentencing, Caleb appealed, arguing that there was insufficient evidence to support his conviction. The Court reviewed Isabel’s testimony that we mentioned above. 

He was the only person she’d seen outside of the car before the shooting, he had been threatening to harm her, his phone was found on the car, and he made that “flowers” comment to her after the shooting. All of this was enough to convict Caleb beyond a reasonable doubt, so the appeal failed on that argument. 

He also argued that the verdict was inconsistent. Since the jury acquitted him of discharging a firearm at or into an occupied vehicle and did not convict him of using a deadly weapon to commit the crimes, the jury could not have found that he shot the victims. As we said, these verdicts are inconsistent. 

His defense attorneys stated that this verdict hinted that it was likely that they believed Caleb was involved in the shooting in some way, perhaps as a co-conspirator with his friend, but they must not have believed he was the one who had ultimately fired the gun that night. 

However, based on case law, the Court ruled that a verdict being inconsistent is not reason enough to toss it out. They explained that while an inconsistent verdict could be the result of juror error, it is also likely that the jury reached their conclusions as a form of compromise or clemency. 

I could see this being true. As we noted, he was young at the time of the crime, and this may have been a way for the jury to reach a verdict they all agreed on, or that they felt would result in an appropriate punishment. 

As of today, Caleb is serving his sentence in a Nevada state prison. He will be eligible for parole in two years. 

We don’t know where Isabel or Dylan are now, but we hope that they are doing well. We are so grateful they survived this horrific crime. 

A 2019 study published in the Journal of The American Medical Association on adolescent homicide found that of the 2000 youths between 11 and 18 years old that were murdered between 2003 and 2016, 150 of them were killed by their current or former partners, and 90% of those victims were girls. 

The study also revealed that just like intimate partner violence between adults, the presence of a gun and when the girl tries to leave the relationship are the biggest factors in whether or not teen dating violence becomes lethal. 

[Shaun] 

We want to encourage parents or guardians to have these conversations with teens. Futures Without Violence has some great resources for starting the conversation. 

For example, they mention asking your tween or teen: How would you feel if your boyfriend or girlfriend was constantly checking your Instagram page or sneaking a peek at your phone to see who you talk to?  Why might that make you uncomfortable?  

And just let your teen answer, and go from there. During the conversation, they have suggestions for key points you want to bring up with your kid like: 

• You have the right to be friends with people outside your dating relationship. 
•  It’s not okay for someone you’re seeing to control who your friends are and who you hang out with. 
• • A respectful relationship is built on mutual trust.  It’s not okay for someone to constantly monitor where you are, what you’re doing or who you’re talking with. 
• • Keep your passwords a secret to help protect yourself. 

John and I are parents of a teenager, and we know how tough or awkward it can be. I know that things that John and I have done in the past are to look at examples we can find in real life or in TV or movies. 

We once used a scene from the TV show Ozark to drive home a point I wanted to make about teens drinking & gun safety.

I’ve also been known to read a “Am I the Asshole?” post from Reddit that sounds like red flags to me, and see what our teen thinks about it.

[John]

It's important to let them answer and reason these things out for themselves and provide guidance. No one knows these things automatically.. But this is a great way for them to learn

We want to remind you that you can find resources in our show notes for how to talk to young people about domestic violence. 

LoveIsRespect.org also operates a 24/7 hotline, text, and online chat for teen dating abuse. Their number is 866-331-9474. You can also text LOVEIS (all one word) to 22522. 

Their hotline is for teens, but also for parents, teachers, siblings, friends – anyone who has questions or needs support. 

[Shaun] 

If you’re enjoying the podcast please consider becoming a subscriber if you haven't already by visiting sinspod.co/subscribe. You can join on Patreon or Apple Podcast Subscriptions, and for $3 a month, you get access to our Swing Shift Bonus episodes, and ad-free versions of every episode.

You can also take a moment and leave us a positive review on whatever platform you’re listening on, which helps the show reach more listeners so we can get these important cases and information out more widely.

If you have cases you’d like us to cover, please email us at podcast@sinsandsurvivors.com with your suggestions, and also any feedback!

Thank you as always for listening, and we remind you that what happens here happens everywhere